for megan
jackie, on megans poem
this is just a note on performance, i liked the klepto poem better the first time you did it, when you just said the Haiku’s, and didn’t count out the syllables on your fingers.
I think that this part is not as strong as the rest of it, though i like the second chances under doormats line. I dont know how you would transition out of ‘you’re so vain’, because i like that it turns into something else, but if you have to cut lines, i think these can go
With a fistful of her hair
And a mouthful of her scrapbook
You kiss the apocalypse
Leave her with nothing but midnight
I do like the thumb wrestling part, and i think that part always has a big impact on the audience, and i love ‘the friend of the girl who gave you what you wanted’.
Chris, i think you are thinking of the Lorax, which is close. He is the guy who is trying to convince people not to cut down those really rediculously fuzzy trees to make pajamas. the thorax is a part of a bugs body, thats why it fits with butterfly, and wings beating and those things. I like this part, but i agree that if you have to cut things, this can go.
I love how you say, a list, a couplet, a haiku, Magical!!!
3 years ago • Notes