The Wink- Mike “Kraun”
The Wink
Its the way I react when seeing my little league pictures
Its the way you and uncle ary used to bet on whether it’d be harvard or yale
Its the way I can’t look in your eyes when I tell you I didn’t fail
The whole family expected greatness, and I am sorry for not meeting our expectations,
but let me say this, regrets are not significant if you leave the mirror broken, its meant so that you laminate each piece back together so you can look at our different faces.
Its the nostalgia overlapping like phelp’s gold medals, reminiscing, you giving me a wink before i threw that next pitch, and although sometimes I ended up in a full count, that wink striked me, even if the umpire told the batter to take his walk.
Its that angle you directed me to keep my head up when I thought the sun eroded,Its the sunday nights we’d watch sopranos and following i’d ask you if i could go out and you replied ‘on a week night? get the fuck outta here’
Its those weeks before the elections, where you whispered to mom, one day “our son is going to be president” So now its time for me to address you the state of the union.
You didn’t have to be so understanding, I failed, stop telling me I made you proud, I know behind your tears you wish you were a stricter father. I know you wish that money you spent made a difference,I know you wish you enforced a curphew, I know deep down all of my failures have indirectly hurt you.
You could have been different, you could have been like Alex’s dad couldn’t you.
Who beat his son and left bruises the size of tumors on every gap between his rib cartlidges. Who made his son stay in when we all sprung off the diving board, as high as we could, until our finger tips melted in the atmosphere, because Alex didn’t want his friends knowing about the bruises that infiltrated through his chest, into his heart. You could have cheated on your wife like Alex’s father did to his, who claimed he was going on a business trip but was just going on a trip to get the business.
You didn’t have to wake up early on your day off to take me to my exhibitions, you didn’t have to borrow money from uncle ary on the holidays to buy me gifts, because being your son was all I ever cared about.
Its those family dinners where I’d tell grandma that one day I would be buying us a house so we wouldn’t have to live in this shitty apartment, and she teared, i smiled, you winked. And deep down I know you are proud and although I’m not even a third of your age, I know i’ll never be able to be have the man you are.
Although we are hours apart, your voice still empowers my heart, so when it snows up here in the winter, I know its yours tears of happiness that have escaped that same wink you once gave me when I was kid.
3 years ago • Notes