Demigod —kerri
She loses everything
Demigod compeller
She never lets me sit shotgun,
Pretends like I can’t see her fever beating heart heavy
No amount of inpatient, outpatient, group, individual, probation, or drug tests
Can keep her from a life of destruction
She wears chaos in her hair
Bipolar between her teeth
I’m waiting for the day I have to turn my head
As she shoots up with humming bird beak needle
Tapping her vein and pollinate her senses like dandelion cringe
But I am no savior
I want to cut her black wings open
Bury bleeding feathers in my cheeks
But she is the hamster
Going round on her wheel again
Getting the spins
She’ll try to push the top off of her cage
If you don’t close it tight enough
She’ll sleep in her food bowl
Bite you if you startle her
I was always there when she scrubbed her liver clean with alcohol
Instead of peroxide
I was always the one holding her hair back
While she vomited new memories
Into a toilet bowl
That only stared back at her with her own reflection
Passed out drunk
I was always the one making excuses to the party
To her parents
To myself
I’ve offended her
Defended her
Just to watch her descend to a new level of pathetic
Always one cigarette puff away from an O-ringed miracle
But for now, the lights are out in her closet of wishes
Locked in
She swallowed the key of hope
Can’t gulp it down as it cuts into her throat
Drank a whole bottle of Jack Daniel’s to wash it down
The strip club was closed
She didn’t want to sleep alone
Wanted to find drugs to sustain her buzz
Tries to fight me when we’re both drunk
I told her to choose cocaine or me
She told me to get the fuck out of the car
They strapped her to the hospital bed that night,
My best friend.
Fist fighting cops with empty clenched hands
Nothing but prayers from her parents
Wishing her fists would bud flowers like lotus
What you need to understand is that
Missy doesn’t take shit from anyone
She is the queen of persuasion
Can convince your wallet out of your pocket
Would be a lawyer if it didn’t take so much damn effort
Looks for love in all the wrong places
From random strangers
Because she hates herself
And looks for affection from everybody else
Obsessed with measuring her body in caterpillar inches
Hates the way she looks in jeans
Yet slips on a mini skirt
Cause to her,
We are only sequenced Christmas lights
Strung and lit to be seen only on holidays
To the public
But the inside houses a naked evergreen
With the star of Bethlehem sitting crooked at the top
She keeps burning torches and lightening bugs
Fireflies and hollow pumpkins
No matter her shoebox nightlight
She could never find her way home without me
Our beached dreams
Cinder floating in the foam
Burying the whale road to take her home
She can dead body float in the Red Sea of hope
Or sink to her grave in the Atlantic maze
I would set the ocean on fire if I thought it would save her
We need flashlight fingers to see at these depths
Cause you reached rock bottom a long time ago
I’ve been scratching glow in the dark wishes
On the breadcrumbs of your life path
For you to find your way back to me
But all I feel is your pulse in your kneecaps and elbowcaps
Beating heavy into the ground of hearts
After all this
I don’t think you’ll die young
But you just may be the reason why I might
3 years ago • Notes